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lost dreams

My name is MaS,
and i have yet to grow,
from my adolescent state,
to wat many call as a mature adult,
though i am no longer a teen by age,
thy shall act like a kid,
but only for a certain time,
or risk facing trouble thats shit,
im no longer a kid,
im no longer a teen,
but could i still act as one,
for the fun of it.

Life, is shit, and shit is life, and this is how h eruns his life. Life is unfair and so is he, he harden his soul to create a emotionless spree. He is soo lame he is soo quiet, but that is how he is. He is all vulgar and also disgusting, but he is who he is and not like other. He holds a principle, based on his soul, its always changing with the flow of time. The growth is there but it isn't obvious because the life he's in is so damn troublesome. He may seem all nice, he may seem like a pushover, but never try his limit or you'll face his anger. His life is tough, and he knows others too have it tough, but everyone is different and they should never be compared. Comparison kill his spirit, comparison killed his mind, it is as though it is no more his but rather it is others. He is disturbingly disturbed and sometimes extremely the extreme, but this is rare as its a rare phenomenon. He is nothing but a fool indeed, living thru this life with all he got. His life seems awful, but it is to him alone, he wouldn't understand others as how others wouldn't understand him. Thank you so much for reading this shit, as it means alot for his stuff to be read.


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Monday, September 26, 2005

the missing part in the previous post ....

well well .... anywayz ... if u wanna read this post .... read the post below of this 1 .... understand ..... this is a post of really alot of anger n rage ..... n sooo ... this is about the thrusday ..... n sooo .. the story begins ...... n this is a warning .... i blog this out of my own feelings .... soo dun screw with me ..... despite me having fallen ill ..... sum stupid feverish feeling .... i will still continue







well .... n soo .. i shall continue from where i left .... well .... in the evening ..... my mod was pretty foul already seeing dat i couldnt do any work on my comp at home .... leaving me wasting the 2 hours i had ...... haihz .... really sad case wan la ..... gonna really fuck this comp of mine like tehre is no tomoro .... this comp of mine really needs to be taught a lesson ..... anywayz ..... left to fetch sue .... n reach there around 6 ..... upon reaching there .... i was quite ok already .... hehehe .... then carina was saying dat .... they should call amirul to check whether he brought the tickets or not .... for isabel , carina herself and also for chai hoong ..... n then i heard something .... " oohh noooo " ....... well .... guess wat ... sue lin forgot to bring her ticket ...... arrrggghhhh ... feeling abit stressed there ..... im a worrier .... sooo .... kill me for dat .... anywayz .... u wanna know more .... just read sue's blog la .... simple for me ...... yeah .... im lazy pig ... kill me ......

alright .... after the arrival of amirul feisal .... n then more options open up ..... hahaha ... n finally all was ok ..... anywayz ..... went on to sunway hotel ... where the ball was held .... hehehehe .... there i wore the coat .... hehehe .... i look good ...... especially since i used nearly 1/3 of the gel i got free from macha .,.... really ..... i look good ..... anywayz .... we went on to the hall ... where we met the others .... oohhh ... in my car there was isabel .... heheheh e...... anywayz ... there ... outside of the hall .... they took some pictures .... ok ... i tot maybe i would have a chance hey ...... but unfortunately .... they rather talk to wilson ........ aarrggghhhh ... n they took sooo much more picstures with him ..... ok ... i was pretty ok with it at 1st ..... but after awhile .... i realize .... fuck la .... they dun wanna take picture with me wan ar ...... haiya fuck them la .... n my bad mood begins .... really .... i realize ..... dam it .... ok la ... at the table didnt take much pics ... im ok with it ...... later i found out ... they went out to take pics ...... fuck ...... really shit la ..... i was feeling dam annoyed ..... haihz ... by then ... i really got grumpy man ..... dam sickening ... they went out of the hall ..... ok ... i have to admit .. the other guys also didnt have much pics .... but .... i was practically dun have any pics with isabel, carina, chai hoong, wilson, pei lin, tracy, kit, and also neal .... meaning the whole table except for sue .... took a few pics with her ..... data about it ..... i was tooo upset to really smile anymore ......

anywayz ..... i was also worried about my dam assignment .... haihz .... by the time we ended n left sunway ... it was already 12 .... reaching back at the hotel .... ooohhhh did i mentioned ??? well .. we were staying at the summit hotel ..... n soo .. there everyone changed to go clubbing ..... aaahhhhhhh ... clubs ..... a place i wouldnt wanna go anymore in my lifetime ..... aint my place man ..... if it was me ... i just wanna go to .... to a nice place ..... set a rug .... on a nice slope filled with greens ... n just stare at the sky .... n the beauty of the night .... unfortunately .... it isnt possible here in m'sia ...... if it is .... plz tell me where .... anywayz .... at the club .... everyone was to pay RM20 ...... to shiv ....... i wasnt really in the mood ...... i feel like i wanna be alone ..... just to be alone ..... but dat place was brimming with ppl ..... n soo ..... i wasnt too happy having to pay for going in .... since they r buying the bottle ..... anywayz ..... decided to pay later ..... n then ... asked pei lin .. how much needed to pay .... for both me n sue lin .... n then ... got the amount .... n was told to pay shiv .... ok ... as i wanted to pay shiv ... he was a kind guy saying ..... since u r not drinking ... u dun have to pay la .... actually ... he asked me whether im drinking or not ...... n of course i replied no .... n then he said .. since ur not drinking .... u dun have to pay la .... ok .. dat made me feel better abit .... n then ... the air con was blowing towards us .... sooo it was rather cold ....

anywayz .... sue wanted to dance .... she wanted me to dance with her ... but ..... i wasnt in the mood ..... soo ..... continued to be at the club from 1-3.30 b4 leaving back for the hotel ..... haihz ... n then .... haiya ... alot of stupid stuff happen la then .... really not in the mood to blog it .... bloody headache is killing me ..... anywayz .... i slept the earliest .... sleeping alone .... n sue lin wasnt too happy about dat ..... n also ... carina was extremely noisy ..... dats wat sue says anyway .... i was too bz sleeping ... considering i have towake up early to get to college to finish n hand up my darn assignment ...... fuck shit ..... anywayz ... about the sleeping alone thing ... i cant help it ... i wanted to sleep fast .... they were tooo bz doing dunno wat nut ...... dam shit wan la .... soo i slept 1st ..... yeah ... at the side of hte bed ... on the sleeping bag ...... n sooo ... yeah .... i wasnt happy with dat nite ......

anywayz .... after a whole lot of consideration .... i also blame myself ..... where is the old me ... who would go around saying .... ehh lets take a pic ..... dunno la .... feeling more restraint ..... y .... sue .... she once confessed to me .. she wasnt too happy about me leaving her to take pics with frens i knew last year .... soo ... now i feel dam restraint doing so .... even if i wanna take a pic also ... i have to ask her 1st .... i only remember taking a pic with carolyn ..... n dats all ... the rest .... dun even hope to see my shadow in their pics .... cos i aint there at all .... sooo dun fucking expect any pics of the sunway ball from me .......

its really annoying u know ..... dam it ..... y la do i have to live on .... its really killing me ...... dam it ...... let me just die ..... dats all i ask ...... cos i just dun fit in this world .... god dam ...... feels like ..... life is just meant to die ...... death .... is just wat i see in life ...... haihz ..... sadness prevails many times ...... n sue ..... dun say positive thinking .... i just cant take it anymore .... i've been trying to stay positive for a long time already ..... but .... to no avail .... really ...... i feel like .... i just suit to be a loner ..... a dying loner ......

fuck off n dun ask me shit .... dun ask r u ok stuff ..... screw it ... its all pretencious .... can go die la ..... now i wanna sleep ..... fucking sick shit .... i blog ..... for myself ...... now .... i blog to throw out all of my feelings dat i hold deep down inside ...... sooo .. dun screw with me ..... im really getting tempermental .....

4 Comments:

  • Hey, i screamed "Shit" and not "oh no"... or maybe both? Dunno lar

    I'm so sorry kitten, u really should have told me that night and i would've done something... And i also think that when u were in that bad mood, ppl dun dare to talk to u.

    Ahhhh,.... aiyah, how many times must i say it's okay that u can take pix with others??? Didn't i gave u my camera for that purpose in VU night??????

    By Blogger Sue Lin, at Tue Sep 27, 06:36:00 PM  

  • R u feeling better now? Muahaha...purposely ask u tat to annoy u (since u told us not to ask). haha...kidding la. Just a lame joke to cheer u up

    ANYWAYZ, aiyah, with these bunch of ppl, u must be a bit muka tembok. If u wanna take part in their conversation or get involved in their activities, u HAF TO make a move

    I realized tat the other day. Sumtimes, they tend to leave ppl out, so all u haf to do is juz GO to them. Take the initiative to ask them for pics, to start conversations.

    Ah...oh well, who am I to talk. I was the one complaining to u tat day bout being left out. haha

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Sep 27, 06:51:00 PM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Sue Lin, at Tue Sep 27, 06:57:00 PM  

  • i'm going to treat your blog as your diary, u write your whatever crap in, which u dun remember or reread anyway. So i really think there's no point in me getting hurt after reading your posts.

    so i'll just treat it as your diary and "i'd respect your privacy" aka, i'm NOT going to read your blog again. especially when i know u've blogged about a bad incident

    By Blogger Sue Lin, at Tue Sep 27, 07:05:00 PM  

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