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lost dreams

My name is MaS,
and i have yet to grow,
from my adolescent state,
to wat many call as a mature adult,
though i am no longer a teen by age,
thy shall act like a kid,
but only for a certain time,
or risk facing trouble thats shit,
im no longer a kid,
im no longer a teen,
but could i still act as one,
for the fun of it.

Life, is shit, and shit is life, and this is how h eruns his life. Life is unfair and so is he, he harden his soul to create a emotionless spree. He is soo lame he is soo quiet, but that is how he is. He is all vulgar and also disgusting, but he is who he is and not like other. He holds a principle, based on his soul, its always changing with the flow of time. The growth is there but it isn't obvious because the life he's in is so damn troublesome. He may seem all nice, he may seem like a pushover, but never try his limit or you'll face his anger. His life is tough, and he knows others too have it tough, but everyone is different and they should never be compared. Comparison kill his spirit, comparison killed his mind, it is as though it is no more his but rather it is others. He is disturbingly disturbed and sometimes extremely the extreme, but this is rare as its a rare phenomenon. He is nothing but a fool indeed, living thru this life with all he got. His life seems awful, but it is to him alone, he wouldn't understand others as how others wouldn't understand him. Thank you so much for reading this shit, as it means alot for his stuff to be read.


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Monday, May 29, 2006

after a bunch of crap

well this is a post from me .... to this blog about my life. life is just toooooo much to bear with soooooo much nonsense of tests, assignments, exams and a whole bunch of stuff that really makes life crappy.

ahhh i dun really know wat to blog about anymore .... dats why u dun see me here anymore u see. dam ... i truly wonder ... wat life would be .... if ... there is no me ??? there are a number of wat would life be without me ..... i just truly wonder .....

well dats about it from my crappy life .... now im gonna bath n then get some shut eye from wat i lacked bcos of sleep .... yeah from the bloody assignment

posted by Elwyn at 8:49 PM | 2 comments

Sunday, May 21, 2006

the little spare time i have for blogging....

oooohhh yeah, this blog is after i have done my part for my group assignment, the FIM assignment. sucky assignment, but luckily lots of material for me to go on. ahhhh i have been re-addicted to dota. oohhh spare me ohh dota god. really, its just, horrible. hahahaha. anywayz, after this assignment i have a practice set that i have to get started on. yes its an accounting practice set. bloody long question you see, and there are a whole lot of things to do. oohhhh life is hectic. hahahaha

i dun really know wat to blog abut, just knowing dat, life is wat i make of it, and wat i am making certainly sucks. but trying to make the best out of this sucky life of mine. money money money, almost everything revolves around money. food, clothes, shelter, you name it, almost of them needs money. even a happy life, you need to have money. or else its really like doomsday. dats for sure. why i talk about money. cos i need to save loads of money, since life is more unpredictable for me now. saving is the only key for me to enjoy wat i could enjoy this coming 1 month break. with all my plans in place, i hope that the disturbances would not affect the plan. and of course i hope that my life would get better. in terms of money!!!

oohhh ofcourse money wont come easy and free like sunshine. oohhhh there are soo many plans. i guess i shud not plan but just do it. i know this would be a repeat. hahahaha im like dat pretty forgetful. but hey, this is who i am, physically. im pretty beat nowadays. but many improvements i have gained. but there are a few things dat i am still slacking. such as my 2 subjects dat i am taking, FIM and CL. oohhh tough time. but seriously i dunno wat the hell i am doing. even though i have finished the FIM assignment, im basically summarising wat is told on the website of my materials. hahahaha CL on the other hand, i couldnt answer single question, or maybe bcos i didnt try. ahhh i suck at being hardworking.

i dun really know wat ppl are doing and why they do stuff dat they do, but its just a fact dat people do wat they like and sometimes they are influenced by those who they are close to, or should i say their friends. oohhh i aint complaining much its just dat sometimes i find these people doing really really annoying stuff. not gonna say anything cos im just crapping watever dat comes to mind. hahahaha i suck

ohh well, i hope things would be ok this coming weeks. i wouldnt last long if there is too much shit !!!! just hope n see la.

ahhh been reading a few blogs, have to say, some people got it good, while others got it nice and easy. maybe its luck, maybe its us, maybe its something dat cant be explain at all, or MAYBE its all about the MONEY !!!!

well, we'll see how it goes. till then byez.

posted by Elwyn at 7:22 PM | 1 comments

Saturday, May 13, 2006

The life of the dead ...

i dunno wat the title means this time ... but it just sounds nice, or right for the situation of the moment. life is tough and im in denial. i seem to be in denial as i seem to be running away from almost all of the trouble and problems im facing. well, of course i am running. im weak. so to speak. there are many things i wanna say but i dun feel like saying it. dun really know wat to do. couldnt really foresee wat would really happen for the actions i would spend time thinking about. so basically my head is in a mess. tons of problems popping out like mushrooms on a dead log after a rainy day. dam, why am i not strong enuf to face it. maybe i am, but dun really know how to face it. maybe dats why im shit scared about wat my future would be. many things crossed my mind and yet i block them out. why i would ask myself, but i myself dun really even know why. so wat the hell !!!!

anywayz, plans screwed up, and dat really sucks. but i cant really help could i. some things i cant face it till i have the opportunity to face it. such a problem would be the may 19th problem. a day from where i shall battle it out with all i've got with as much support i can get from anybody who i can get support from. thus this is important to be settled. if i dun settle it properly, then i might be wasting a year of my life of which my parents would not be happy about. especially my mother. and so that is wat been really bugging me. another problem is the usually university stuff ....... assignment. its the final assignment, and the max word count on this assignment would wat ... 8000 words !?!? well dats the truth, 8000 words essay. not really too sure how my group mates and i would pull it off. 4 buggers, 1 of which is me is a true lazy fucker. oohhhh truly in denial i would say.

ahhhh the addiction is there again, dota. ahhh i have quite a few addiction. those other addiction i would not say as i dun really see the point of saying it since people would condemn me for it anywayz. im guessing my parents know about some of my addiction, and really reprimands me about it. but i just brush off their reprimand and still continue wat i like. and which like i said, i am in denial of the problems i face and this addictions are the things that really keeps me saint.

there are many things i wan in this pathetic life of mine and there a number of them of which i need money to gain it. ahh life with a restraint on money. that certainly is uncool. dam i have never worked in my life. not a proper job anywayz. quite unfit i presume. and also the fact dat i am just a plain guy with nothing better to do. there are so many people i envy, cos they dun really care much about the restraint. especially there a few in sunway who really spends like they really filthy fucking rich. but i dont really know for sure la. its just me crapping away here like a nonsense fucker who has a really filthy mouth. oh there is so many things i hate as wel labout this dam idiotic world i am in. unfairness is everywhere to begin with. this is unfair, that is unfair. the world is unfair, and humans are the most unfair. like i bother, unfair or not, life still goes on. this unfairness sure kicks alot of people in the ass and really making them losing all they got. maybe dats why there is religion dat helps salvage people. oh wat a great thing it is. yeah it may be good, but it is just a way for people to brainwash others and really make things go bad sometimes. isnt dat bad? i dunno never liked religion anywayz. i know i will be condemn for dat but i dun bother. i respect people and their religion, but never ever try to preach me about it or even ask me stuff about my "religion".

haihz, well, nothing can be done much about it. some people r really gifted and some are not. im most probably just and average joe or maybe a worse joe. but i would point out im just a simple guy, dat has only a few definition about stuff and cant really elaborate stuff well. thus my explaination are short, with the lack of communication skills, and inability to really speak out, i m considered a failure am i not. trying quite hard to communicate. and sometimes i succeed. oh well there are a few pictures here dat i posted as well for the sake of pointing out wat i really mean.

this picture is nice dun u think. the sky is really beautiful especially in the evening. dam the picture is like a painting. the color of the sky is like sooo painting like. a painting dats seems to have captured the sky in its beauty. ohhh i love this pic of the sky. isnt the sky just plain beautiful.

ahhhh my all time favourite spaghetti, which is spaghetti bolognese from Milwaukee. its so sweet and nice. indeed it is much much better than the cabonara. i have changed my mind about the bolognese after eating it like last year, end of last year, but i was still favouring the cabonara, of course which i now vote to be my 2nd favourite food. and of course my 3rd favourite food would now be the pepperoni pizza from dominos. they are certainly generous with the cheese and of course it is sooo yummy dat i could gulp down 5-6 pieces of a large pizza and dat is just sooo dam nice.

this is on the other hand the spaghetti cabonara dat sue had eaten. nowadays i dun really favor it as much as i used to because i now love the bolognese sauce from milwaukee. oh i forgot to mention as well that milwaukee is very generous with the sauce for the spaghetti, and i mean both the spaghetti.in the beef cabonara i would certainly have more beef to eat with my spaghetti. meaning i would have a rich taste of the sauce while eating the spaghetti. and dat is the reason why i like the bolognese soooo much. sooo much of the beef sauce that it is just a sweet taste in my mouth. but dat is not acceptable for me. they shud have more spaghetti so dat it is more enjoyable escpecially by me. ahh crapping shit here. anywayz those were a few pics. couldnt post anymore cos i could upload them on photobucket.

oohhhh let me crap more. my car is crap now. the consumption is so bad that on a full tank of RM72 - RM74, it only gives me only 300km-320km or the most 340km. it just plain sucks, then engine is noisy and no matter how many times i complain to them people at the service center the outcome is still the fucking same. do they even check it. i really wonder or they are doing a fucking con job about it. anywayz, i recommend do not get a fucking KIA car as it sucks 150%. love the interior but the performance sucks to the max. crappy car dat consumes petrol like air needed for people to breath. haihz, a bad choice of a guy who knew nothing back then and a naive little boy who likes the car because it looked nice. asshole the boy is. really asshole.

anywayz, life will be very uncertain for me with plans and schedule really fucked up with the may 19th problem coming soon. i wished dat it would come out earlier so dat i can settle it earlier and avoiding any future problems dat could arise from the fucking shit that is coming pretty soon. those who r close to me would know wat the crap im talking about here. haihz. sometimes i wish i am carrying a fucking loaded magnum to blow brains out. but unfortunately dat isnt going to happen. haihz ... i am trigger happy, not only cameras but also guns. i would really love to get trigger happy with a whole bunch of guns, especially some really good looking magnums. glocks are the classic. but of course i would certainly like to fire a few rounds of the MP5 .... yes i am a sick pathetic bastard.

anywayz life is pretty fucked here now. as how i have been explaining thru out my post this time. i intentionally write a fucking long post just to really make sure people dun read it to the end. watched a movie, a singaporean movie, by jack neo. nice film but at some point it didnt make sense at all. really it doesnt make much sense at times. it touched a few issues in life. certainly it would really make me sad with those things happening and there are times dat it has a really funny scene. ohhhh i hate ..........

ahh better not say it .... but im guessing people would know wat i am trying to say. anywayz. this is all i have to say now. gonna get some sleep. and MaS cries goodbye

posted by Elwyn at 11:37 PM | 4 comments

Saturday, May 06, 2006

The crying dead .....

ooohhh this shall be a crappy post, i swear to you. its 12.45 in the morning and yeah i am not used to staying up this late you see. well, i am munching on koko krunch and listening to my anime, while chatting n typing this blog out. soo i lack something here. oh just stopped eating koko krunch. life is a bitch. i think i've said dat not long ago. ohhh dun bother, i have such a short memory for details anywayz. ahhhh university sucks too. why le? maybe bcos of the burden of being in the 2nd year of uni. loads of assignments, with 2 to go, loads of test, also another 2 to go, and something dat really really tough. wat is this really really tough thing, oh its just plain me, my social skills. people have been advicing me, but its like wat everyone would say, EASIER SAID THAN DONE. i too lack of other things which is considered as essential in life, which is confidence. oohhhh i truly lack that for sure. why le, im still extremely bad for my presentation with my totally shaken confidence, my presentation was also shaky. ahhhhhhh.

i realise alot of things about me. i talk alot about my plans to do this and that, but i have yet to done it. seriously, someone should get a gun and shoot me in the head for that. loads of stuff were plan but the plans never even got started. bad i know, but oohhhh my body and mind just, forgot about those plans. my body and mind certainly knows well how to forget stuff. soooo like the nike theme, just do it. yeah just get out there and do it spontaniously. yeah yeah, i guess maybe thats the way to get it started. im certainly far weaker than what i used to be 10 years ago. i was certainly an energetic little kid who is like a little daredevil with his huge mountain bike where he has a tough time even getting on. ahhhh those were certainly the good old days, because even then im not that strong. ohh pardon me for talking all kind of craps here this very night. but fuck la, this is my blog right, so im gonna write whatever the hell i want. hehehehe so let me fuck some stuff up here yeah.

things are really fucked up now, but hey i still have to live on with this life of mine. ooohhhh yeah yeah, im certainly weak. weak why, couldnt even stay awake in lectues, lacking in the much needed stamina. oohhhh ppl think im thin, but actually my body is filled with fats you see. it can be seen anywayz. oohhhhh not forgetting the couple of the century, a couple who seems to be made for each other. miss carina lee and mr amirul feisal, congratz on making 1 year with each other. but i feel very sorry as to how you can treat people. but im not you, so i can never understand what you think, and you really do. hahahahaha, enough of them, most probably if i continue i might get myself kicked around like a fucking fool. and maybe get really badly injured and stuff. or maybe hurting my relationship with them. but relationship do i have with them anywayz. so fuck it. this blog of mine will expose everything i have to say. even though it will cause a hell of alot of stupid shit. ahhhh crappy mumbo jambo.

dam, wanted to talk more about you carina and amirul, but dun really know what the hell to talk about anywayz. so i shall skip them now and move on to the next thing that comes to my mind. life has been tough. budgetting, saving, and scrounging (kiam siap), is the life im living now. money is just hard to earn so i keep. much more needs to be saved for my plans. oh dam my room is sooo fucking fucking messy. shit, with a test on monday which i have no idea how to really do it within the time limit and the assignment which is due on thursday which i havent even touched yet. yes im a sick fucker. but law assignment isn't something to be taken lightly you see. its so fucking fucking confusing. so i fucked that up. dun really bother now.

ooohhhhh im soooo fucking outdate. im way behind in the movies department. im sooo way behind in the fashion department. im sooo shitty in watever things i do. i only know that i just know a little bit of many things, but never too detailed. you know why, cos i dun remember fucking details wat. hahahahaha. fuck shit. ahhh i day dream a hellll lot. dreamt about too many stuff,mostly about things that would never ever happen in this freaking lifetime, and some never ever happening, ever. i also dream of things which are possible, the best possible outcome and sometimes the worst case scenario. yes im a sicko.

im dun have any good dreams about going to australia. ohh i did. but only if some conditions are met. oohhh, but lately i aint getting any good dreams about it. nevermind about that.

oohhh MaS, shall this be ur limit ? ahh i think so. it shall be the time to sleep and work hard in the morning. like a fool. like a fool with no purpose. this, is gonna be tough ......

posted by Elwyn at 12:42 AM | 4 comments