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lost dreams

My name is MaS,
and i have yet to grow,
from my adolescent state,
to wat many call as a mature adult,
though i am no longer a teen by age,
thy shall act like a kid,
but only for a certain time,
or risk facing trouble thats shit,
im no longer a kid,
im no longer a teen,
but could i still act as one,
for the fun of it.

Life, is shit, and shit is life, and this is how h eruns his life. Life is unfair and so is he, he harden his soul to create a emotionless spree. He is soo lame he is soo quiet, but that is how he is. He is all vulgar and also disgusting, but he is who he is and not like other. He holds a principle, based on his soul, its always changing with the flow of time. The growth is there but it isn't obvious because the life he's in is so damn troublesome. He may seem all nice, he may seem like a pushover, but never try his limit or you'll face his anger. His life is tough, and he knows others too have it tough, but everyone is different and they should never be compared. Comparison kill his spirit, comparison killed his mind, it is as though it is no more his but rather it is others. He is disturbingly disturbed and sometimes extremely the extreme, but this is rare as its a rare phenomenon. He is nothing but a fool indeed, living thru this life with all he got. His life seems awful, but it is to him alone, he wouldn't understand others as how others wouldn't understand him. Thank you so much for reading this shit, as it means alot for his stuff to be read.


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posts that had passed

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Friday, December 30, 2005

A Final Review Of 2005 Life and A Happy Fucking New Year

Ahhhhhh, the year is nearly coming to an end. the end of 2005 and the beginning of 2006. many awaits for this new beginning as it seems that it brings a new fresh start for them. i used to think so myself ...... last time. now i feel that it is merely a continuance. a continuance of the life from this year to the next year, and from the previous years that has passed us.

well, this is certainly gonna be a review about the 2005, and now about me rambling on about how people see the new year differently from me. of course, the year started as i was pretty sure that i would go to VU, since my grades were just enough for me to get into VU and not into Monash. and also thinking that i would only join VU in the July intake, but my plans imploded when the reason that i would go into VU in July, which was to enter NS early this year and to be done with it. but unfortunately, there were no way to get me in.

with this my furious mother came storming to my computer room stating in a high tone, and angry voice saying that i would be joining VU as soon as possible. and indeed i did join VU that intake even though i was a late comer. dam was it tough. seriously it was a tough time during that 1s semester. having to catch up a week's worth of lecture and my state of mind which was the typical lazy state. i was pretty much quite screwed for that semester. i just simply register into the tute that i can fit into. thats how late i was. well its ok.

the burden of the work, and also the assignments were really heavy. luckily i had a few AUSMAT friends who were also studying in VU. it was certainly a blessing to have them around. having some assignments which was suppose to be done in a group of 2 became me doing it alone. but thanks to Dee, and Ah Yan, i was able to pull it off well. ahhhh it was dam good.

and also, i had Tracy to help in the management assignment which was a group assignment of 3. we certainly had a tough time trying to finish up our last minute work. in the end. we were successful in passing up. but Tracy was certainly exhausted, and with Ken Thong.

the 1st semester was certainly a good 1. despite making a havoc, and making some 1 hate me, was certainly a bad move. since then i have been tormented by words that are extremely mean and yet i have no idea why. of course the 1st semester was also full of surprises with the emergence of the new couple that took everyone by surprise, which was Amirul and Carina. hahaha, it certainly took me by surprise, as i remembered me and Rachel who were sitting opposite of them, were like stunned by how Amirul pu his hands arounf Carina and we look at each other. after remembering it. it was certainly funny. oohhh i forgot, i even pinched Rachel as she couldnt believe wat she was seeing. well, it was certainly unbelievable at that time. but now, they are sure a great match.

after the 1st semester, there was a planned trip to genting and also to penang, the home town of Carina. indeed that trip was bitter sweet. with the fantastic trip we had. and the disaster that came after. it caused a rift in a few friendship. it was certainly a great disaster that could have been avoided if the message was miscommunicated. or so i think.

well, moving on to the the 2nd semester of classes. it was certainly a really dawn of the dead for me. i could bearly keep awake in class, and constantly fall asleep despite my efforts to keep myself awake. indeed. it was terrible. but i guess it was ok. it was the same thing here on. the classes, the assignments, and tests and exams. it was pretty much the same except that it was harder for me to understand and to concentrate. that was how i felt.

it was this semester that 1 of the friends, who i think hates my guts has left the group she has been with to join in with another group of friends and where she found her boyfriend. and after hearing stories from people. i think they too were match made in heaven. since they love to diet. that was how i felt also.

but it was also in this semester that another disaster struck, which was caused by many many factors, and also the lies told, and the miscommunications that was certainly a bad time for many. including me who was caught in the crossfire. but i dont wan to go into details, as i might get my info wrong again and cause a another disaster which may occur next year. indeed, it caused alot of problems. it was rather due to the fact of the sunway ball, how i acted and how people were affected by it.

it was certainly a bad time. but after that, i came clean and blogged it out. and i was touched to be approached by a few friends. i really was. certainly it did helped me alot. but it was also then the truth about the disaster came into light, and it slowly unravelled.

but the problem continued on. but i guess the damage is done. and some people may take it differently. and that is how i feel about this 1.

but after many times thinking yet again. i realized my place. i realized it and try my best to remind myself of my place. it was also with the countless time of thinking did i realize, i am pretty much a nobody, no proper identity to really place myself in. and again i face with with an idenity problem. and that is the reason why i am redefining myself now.

2005 has its beautiful and wonderful experience and also its most bitter experience in my life. though the new year is coming, i only see it as a beginning of a new year, and not a beginning of a new fresh start.

but hey, with knowing my new place. i realized that i needed new friends. and i must try my best to keep in touch with old friends as well. indeed friends are important. but hey, there are some things that cant be forced upon. well, life goes on i say. people hate me, people like me. some i know of an some i dunno at all. it all really depends now.

many factors comes into place. and to think that i have lived another year. has brought me closer to the final goal in my life. and i dun think i would expose my final goal here, yet though.

now im gonna take it out from somewhere i found on another blog and to see how i answer those questions (p.s. this is taken from Joey's blog)

Glad to see 2005 go?
- Not really and yet i am glad to see it go. but i wish i could repeat it and make the changes i had to.

Age turned in 2005?
- The number 19, the last teen year. well from this date, i still have another 6 months to go.

The best part of 2005??
- Seriously, i am not sure. there are a few good things but cant be considered the best for me.

The worst part of 2005?
- The multiple disasters, and the onslaught of words which was painful to read.

Did you make any new friends in 2005? Who?
- Yeah, some nottingham dudes, which are dam fucking crazy.

Did you have a girlfriend in 2005?
- i have 1, n still holding on to her.

Did you fall in love in 2005?
- not this year but last year.

Did someone lie to you in 2005?
- Lies, many times. hahahahaha some crazy ass lies and some serious fucked up lies.

Did you lie to others in 2005?
- Of course i do tell lies, how could we not lie, we are humans.

Funniest moment of 2005?
- The birthday of my life. Being buried in the sand. being thrown into the sea. and being thrown into the pool twice.

Saddest moment of 2005?
- Many, i wanted to link to 1 but lazy. hehehe

Did you take any vacations in 2005? Where?
- Genting 3 times, and Penang

What song will always remind you of 2005??
- Photograph - Nickelback
- Creep - Radio Head
- Akustatik - OAG

What do you wish you'd done more of?
- talk, i wish i could have talked more. i wanted to talk. just that something inside of me holding me back, i dunno why.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
- Losing my temper,

Things you were really good at in 2005?
- I also have to say, i have a good time blogging. i dunno wat other things im good at.

Did you have a sleep over in 2005?
- Suppose to but due to fatigue and responsibility, i skipped it.

Did you drink too much in 2005?
- I dun drink, except for the accident drinking.

Did you go to any concerts? Which ones?
- wat concerts ??? well, it was still ok la.

The year, has alot of problems yet alot of fun. sooo i shall let it be that way.

now, im moving into the events that happened this year. im gonna post pics from now onwards.

i am very sorry, but the pics are rather messed up soo please forgive me for the untidiness of the pics order.

the pic above was a pic taken in oenang during the penang trip. somewhere around jun-july


this was taken on the night of my birthday at the beach near the hotel we stayed before i was thrown into the sea and also into the pool. and not forgetting the place where i was buried.


these were another 2 people who were at the trip with us.

this 2 sure are a lovely couple.


my darling's hand and mine. hahaha you might have noticed i didnt put any pic that shows my face here.


Amirul kena pijak mati ....


see my darling's leg and mine.


my darling resting.

hahaha this is where i was buried, but instead u cant see my face bcos it was blocked. hahahaha see the rest of them bury me.


Amirul and Carina resting at the beach. also in penang la.


ehhh my darling playing in the sea on her own. dangerous dangerous.


oohhhh learning how to play and teaching how to play.


another teacher student thing going on here.


a beautiful scenery taken at penang


me yet again, but still cant see my face. was pushed into the pool by Amirul.


alright next would be a gathering held at my friend's house

Wilson a superbly talkative guy. hahahaha great guy.


eehhh ehhhh the pic of the 2 girls. Rowena and Wi Nie. well both of them have .... hmmmm let me see, 1, 2, 3 things in common that i can think of now. hahahaha


Ronny a guy .... whom i dun really know well.


Christian. the host of the party and open house where we held the gathering.


miss Row, who seems to be on diet or something.

miss Wi Nie. stolen pic. meaning i curi curi ambil gambar. since she doesnt wan to take anymore pics.

alright that is about it. from here onwards its some miscelaneous stuff. is that how to spell misc ???
a hershey chocolate pyramid which i build during my boring times and the time i got about 10 packs of the chocolate.


another pic of the pyramid, different angle.


also another angle.


hehehehe, looks like it soo nice.


okok ok ok ... this is my untidiness.


my computer room untidiness. look how unitdy i am.


this would be around my computer and it is still dirty.


the sofa bed that is in my computer room.


my dressing table. where if u see properly u will see the bottle labelled Uno. that is the bottle of hair gel that sue broke ... . sad =(
my shelves which are also dirty.


see my bed also messy like dam bad ....


my bloody study table that is superbly stacked with a whole bunch of stuff. dam it. its terrible.


from here onwards. its an event which i happen to go to. Neal's birthday.

Looky looky. This are all just memories.


Look how the memory of those chickenreminded me of how badly some of them were.


birthday boy andhis gf.


everyone simply enjoying the food and drink.


i dunno wat they were looking at either.


the cook for the 2nd session of the barbeque.


looks at those meat. simply fabulous.


Looks like the coming pictures are the genting trip.

a spaghetti cooked by a couple who brought the ingredients up to genting.


look at the chefs at work.


the spaghetti sauce from a bottle of course.


a sesat pic that i accidentally forgot to rotate. but nvm just put it there anywayz. it just looks funny. hehehehe


a lovely couple sleeping.


at night and everyone is starving.


poser, a real dam good poser.


haiya, sangat mesra la they all.


oohhh this is where i wanna end with the pics of my computer which i have invested in and also fixed with my own blood and sweat. and not forgetting my frens blood and sweet too.

the brand new casing which all the old stuff in the old casing had to be trasfered into the new casing.


a side view of the casing. nice le.



welll this is it. It is finally the new year. and i wanna wish all my blog readers, a very happy fucking new year, and have a great year ahead of you guys out there.