lost dreams
My name is MaS,
and i have yet to grow,
from my adolescent state,
to wat many call as a mature adult,
though i am no longer a teen by age,
thy shall act like a kid,
but only for a certain time,
or risk facing trouble thats shit,
im no longer a kid,
im no longer a teen,
but could i still act as one,
for the fun of it.
Life, is shit, and shit is life, and this is how h eruns his life. Life is unfair and so is he,
he harden his soul to create a emotionless spree. He is soo lame he is soo quiet, but that is how he is.
He is all vulgar and also disgusting, but he is who he is and not like other. He holds a principle, based on his soul,
its always changing with the flow of time. The growth is there but it isn't obvious because the life he's in is so damn troublesome.
He may seem all nice, he may seem like a pushover, but never try his limit or you'll face his anger.
His life is tough, and he knows others too have it tough, but everyone is different and they should never be compared.
Comparison kill his spirit, comparison killed his mind, it is as though it is no more his but rather it is others.
He is disturbingly disturbed and sometimes extremely the extreme, but this is rare as its a rare phenomenon.
He is nothing but a fool indeed, living thru this life with all he got.
His life seems awful, but it is to him alone, he wouldn't understand others as how others wouldn't understand him.
Thank you so much for reading this shit, as it means alot for his stuff to be read.
taggy board
posts that had passed
the past of this blogger
credits
Thursday, June 23, 2005
ooohhhhh ... hohoho .... happy n also .... terrified ....
omg ... tomoro is the last paper of all ..... i must say .... im not prepared at all .... ooooo .... its management & organization behaviour ..... dam it ... y is there sooooooo sooooooo many dam theories which have to be remembered .... those stupid ppl really have nothing else better to do than to make my life more miserable ...... arrrggghhhh ...... dam it ... have to study abit more .... didnt really study much for it ..... just have to rely on my notes ... n my brains ability to crap as well ..... may my crappiness power is at its max tomoro ..... muahahaha ..... i MUST get at least 25 ...... really .... dats all i need for me to pass this dam subject n not having to retake this dam subject again .... really ... i cant take it .... well ..... just hope for the best only rite .... hahahaha ....
alllrite ..... after dat paper ..... omg .... another freaking ordeal ..... hahahaha .... gotta rush amirul to send me to kj lrt station ..... its short for kelana jaya for u guys who might be wondering wat kj means ..... anywayz ..... finish the paper at 12.15 n then after the collection of the paper n stuff ... would be around 12.30 .... gotta rush n rush .... to make it in time for the 1.30 bus at puduraya ..... yeah i know ... im pretty stupid rite ... well ... dun care la .... its my stupidity .... soo be it ...... hehehehe ... anywayz ..... will be going there on my own .. cos amirul will be leaving like only around 3 ..... from kl sentral station ...... weird huh ..... hahahaha ... yeah i know ..... my stupidity is really well known .... anywayz .... i wanna go up n make sure all is ok .... yeah ... really ..... oohhh ... where am i going .... yeah yeah .. genting is the destination .... hehehehe ...... well .. will be there for 3 days 2 nites ... hehehehe ... after dat ... straight away to a place far up north ........ no not thailand .... dats toooooo far north already ..... its penang ...... yeah yeah ... time to enjoy food man ..... time for me to gain weight .... n to steal sue lin's food ..... hehhehe .... she's been complaining ..... soo .. i offer her a solution lor .... hahahaha .... anywayz ..... will be in penang for 5 nitez ..... n will be back ... on the 1st of july ...... dat is a friday .... nyahahahaha .....
alright ..... about dat ...... i wonder if i have packed enuf money ..... omg ..... im really gonna be .... POKAI .... when i get back la ..... cos even now im short on money .... soo ... i guess .... have to spend wisely .... n steal food from ppl .... hehehe ..... gotta .... to survive ... yeah yeah .... alright babe .... now .... im just in a hyper mode ... since i had a good after noon nap .... yeah .. 2 hours baby ..... hehehehehe .... n the song ' pump it ' from the Black Eyed Peas ..... im soooooo hyper .... hehehehehhe ... cant wait to go to genting .... i have to give a few other ppl the number of the landlord in genting ... so dat .... it would all be ok ... when they get there early .... yeah yeah .... u heard me ... hhehehehe ... i just wanna make sure alll is a' ok ....
allllllllll right .... wanna say ..... dam it ... gotta save money in genting ... food there is the most expensive stuff around .... u heard me ..... is bloody expensive ...... sooo ... gotta bring sum food up ... u heard me .... im bringing food up there man ...... no joking .... but hey .. tomoro i gotta run around ... to get to my buss ...... omg .... i didnt ask .... where is the station ..... arrggghhhh ... i gotta go back there ... n ask the stupid counter which station is the bus leaving from ...... oooohhhhh .... im soooo screwed .... but hey .... im gonna do it .... hehehe .....
alll right .... as far as i know ..... quan .... is driving to penang ..... soo ... i have to look while he is driving .... making sure all is a' ok .... yeap ... u heard me .... im observer .... making sure is allllll a' ok ..... hehehehe .... i know .... im bloody hyper .... i shud be studying abit for my last paper ... rather than blogging here .... but do i give a dam ..... i jsut need to pass .... n im bloody confident .... with the help ..... of sumone who i owe a great deal .... but even with her help .... its very hard to get the 25 ..... n soo .. i have to depend on my notes .... focusing on a few chapters ... i am .... muahahahaha ......
lets get down n be funky with the books abit ..... oohhhh .... my lil sis ..... honeybee ..... dun worry .... aim higher will come later .... but not now ok .... hehehhe ......... yeah yeah yeah ..... come on baby .... cant wait for the dam exam to be over u know ..... dun care lor .... hehehehe ..... alright guys ... i guess im reapeating myself ... n this post of mine is rather in chaos ... since im talking different trips different stuff ....
soo ... wanna ..... carina ..... u gotta make sure u can get us good food ... which is worth the money im paying for u know .... but it may be rather hard ... since there is amirul as well .... hahahaha ...... n me la ..... hahahaha .... but wont affect me much wan la ..... hehehhehe .,... allright ..... kill me baby ..... omg .... y am i saying this .... dunno ...... just wanna pump it .... pump it .... pump it ..... yeah yeah .... dat addictive this song is .... hahahaha .... im just going crazy ..... my hyper mode is running out ... gotta find food fast ... or else .... im gonna suffer gastric ..... n i dun like dat at all ... would i .... heheheh .... alright .....
n sooo ... wanna say .... i wont be here .... or on msn for around 1 week .... watever u wanna say to me ... sms me la .... hehehehe .... wahhhh .... shud i or not ...... haiya .... dun care la .....
guys ... wanna sms me ... or call me .... to ask me or tell me anything ... just call .....
012 - 29995445 .... yeah yeah ... dats my number there .... if u r sum1 new .... n dun have my number b4 ... plz include ur name when u send me a sms ..... really .. or else i cant ecognize who u r ..... alrite .... u all ... enjoy ..... dun forgo life .... like wat i read in david's mail ( ausmat guy ) ..... life must be enjoyed .... hehehehe .... n appreciate every minute of it .... things happens for a reason ..... n soo .... u deal with ordeals with ur entire heart .... n u will succeed ..... n soo .... i guess dats about it .... hehehe .... after tomoro morning ... dun expect to see my online .... hehehe .... i know .... yeah yeah .... im a comp addict .. cant get enuf of it ... but do i care ..... hehehe ... sooo ..... just say .... i wanna go enjoythe cool weather ... n then ... enjoy girls in bikini .... yeap yeap .... hehehehe ......
all right guys ... take carez .... n see u soon ....
a lil shout out for a few ..... to kak amydoll ... see ya .... a long time from now .... n have a safe journey .... n just enjoy urself overseas .....
to miss jocelyn wong ..... life .... take it easy ..... sumtimes .... tempers flare .... sumtimes u need a place to let urself go .... but worry not .... maybe its just not the time ..... like is said above ... things happens for a reason ...... soo ... just take care ..... hehehe ...
to my big sis ...... u know who u r ...... dun worry too much ok ..... just blog watever is on ur mind ..... i'll be back to read it .... hehehe ... i promise i'll read it all once i get back .... hehehe .... anything ...sms me or call me ok ....
to others who it may matter .... await for pics from me .... about my trip soon .... maybe not here ... maybe here .... depends ok ... hehehe ... soo ...
this is my final post b4 i leave on my hols ..... n my final paper ....
live life cool .....
Sunday, June 19, 2005
hahahaha ...... well ... since they r neighbours for like wat .... many many years .... i can see y they developed such a sisterly bond .....
sumthings out there ..... lets go hunting .... yeah yeah ....
hahahaha ..... i like my cats .... this 1 dun like to be carried though ... hahaha
Saturday, June 18, 2005
yeah ... up close with el2 .....
hehehehe ... this is the beloved El2 .... yeap .... dats rite ... el2 ... muahahaha ..... n soo ... this would conclude almost all the cats in the household .....
ooooo this fat blob is my other cat ... the only male cat in the houose ..... tinko ...... hehehe
ahhhh ... now this is Iny .... yeap .... dats her name .... iny ... hehehhe
ooohhhh .... hahaha ... the long awaited pics of my cats ..... this 1 is .. spotty ..... hehehe
oooooo ..... ahhhhhhh ...... dunno wat to comment on this pic .... but u figure it out urself ....
noooooooo ...... OUCH !!!
hahaha ... dun ask me y i put this title ..... but to tell u all ... this is the 2nd time im writing it ... after writing like .... quite a fair bit ... meaning ... around ..... 400-500 words like dat ...... irritating .... but cannot blame blogspot for it this time ... this time was my comp hanging on me .... stupid comp of mine giving me alot of problems .... really irritating .... but cant be helped ..... n soo ..... this is .... wat i have to say .... ahhhh life is sooooooo "blissful" ...... wahhh .. really ... im going psycho .... going looney ..... heheheh .... really ..... there is a witness to the incident .... well .... this has only happened in the last 2 days ... soo .... sumbody ... shoot me .....
ooohhhh .... im feeling dam hungry la now ..... hahahahha .... cant be helped rite ... hunger is sumthing i constantly feel ..... especially nowadays ... i need more food than b4 .... i dunno y im getting super hungry .... anywayz .... in the lost post .... i was writing about ppl ..... like carina n amirul ...... kit ..... wilson ..... rachel .... n not forgetting sue lin .... but now ... i feel really tired repeating .... sooo ..... maybe a brief 1 ???? or not ..... im not sure ..... shud i ..... or shud i not ..... now dats a prob ......
ok la ... give a really brief wan ..... amirul n carina ... r fine n kicking ... n abusing each other ... yeah ... bruises can be found on both of them .... hahaha ... kit .... is no more the normal kit ..... kiasu .... maybe dats normal ..... but hey .... she is different from b4 .... really ...... n soo .... wilson ... quiet ... but very studious ..... yeah .. i mean it ..... rachel .... not close last time .. now ok ok only .... she also doing just fine .... monash science having last paper on monday .... n soo .. then comes sue lin .. she is doing really well .... hahha ... but all dat she really wanna do is sleep .... n shop .... n both she has been doing lately .... really .... yeah yeah .... oohhh ... i have to thank sumone for helping me also .... yeah yeah .....
all rite .... a whole new paragraph to thank ..... without dat person's help .... my chances to get credit in my final paper would be slim .... as even now .... im struggling a great deal with my micro econs ..... its just not registering in my head ... really .... sad case i am .... hahaha .... but ... there r many diagrams to help me out .... soo ... im gonna focus .... cos i dun have much time ..... to study all dat might come out .... soo .. focus just enuf for me to pass ..... I NEED TO PASS THIS EXAM ..... really .... i dun wan to repeat .... meaning .... if i do repeat ..... it would cost another 2250 ..... for the dam subject again .... then i will be soo screwed ....
soo .. anywayz ... sumhow or another ... i'll make it through for micro econs .... hahaha .. yeah yeah .... n soooo ..... the war is on ..... muahahahahhaa ...... the funky side ... shall prevail .....
n sooo ..... the journey of the trip shall begin ... s we have to pay for almost everything on this monday ... yeap .... dat is the truth .... hahahaha .... n sooo .... i have to part with my money summore ..... n omg ..... my food consumption has increased .... i dunno y ... but ... i really need to eat more nowadays .... but sumtimes ... i just lose my appetite all together .... but i still feel the hunger ...... its sooo weird .... really weird it is .... hahahha ......
alllll rite .... now ..... wat i need to say is ..... i really wan this exam to end ..... n i just wanna go out n really go n enjoy food ..... really ..... n i also .... wanna start with my plans for my holiadys .... really ..... dam it ...... i hope all will go well ... but if doesnt ... which is always the case ..... i would have to think fast .... n deal with any problems ..... ohhh ... i must remember to change my windscreen soon .,..... b4 it breaks onto my face .... yeah ... scary isnt it ... hahahah .... n soo ....
let the psycho me ... go fart all the way to my bed ...... NOT .... hahaha ... going psycho .....
soo .... actually .. i dun really wanna end this ... but .... have to end it anywayz .... ok o k ..... wanna inform y'all ..... hahaha .... condoms .... make bad water balloons ... if u intend to break them .... but .... if u wanna test the strength of the condom .... i will assure u .... will be testing it ... by throwing out a condom balloon from the 22nd floor ... muahaha ... if all is well ... n soo ... dat is all ... wishing u all a good nite .... n may u enjoy ur life ....
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
yyyy ... ooo yyyy ..... stupid ppl ... dam kolot ...
hahaha .... u know y i put such a title .... well .... as u can see nowadays .... teeneagers ... n young adults .... r practicing sex ..... but r they practicing safe sex ..... well ... there u go .... now u know wat i shall be talking about then ..... muahahahaha .... well .... actually .... im quite shocked to see a durex stand at the college cafeteria .... n they r letting ppl to do the survey .... for the annual sex survey .... yeah yeah ... hehehehe ..... well they were giving out free bookmarks n the thing where u use to put ur drinks on which i dunno how to spell ... but it sounds like coaster ... sumthhing like dat .... yes ... my english is very poor indeed ..... hehehe ... anywayz ... they set up 3 laptops where students .. or anyone ... who wanted to do the survey to do it .... hehehe ... very canggih wan ... they connect to their handphones to connect to the internet ..... muahahaha ..... dam chun .... hahaha
anywayz .... on the 1st day ... which was on the 14th ... a tuesday ... they said ... they give out free condoms to those who does the survey .... n the publicly displayed the condoms ... but it is in a box ... covered ... yeah .... with a very smart design ..... i'll try to get it here as soon as i can ... hehe .. the pic la .... of course ..... anywayz .... i did the survey ... wow ... 1st time doing the durex sex survey .... really good shit .... muahahaha .....
alrite ... now back to the story i wanted to tell ..... while i was doing the survey ..... 1 really terrible person .... or the so called bitch .... i call her bitch cos she is dam fucking irritating .... come by the booth .... did i say stand earlier ... well .. i correct it now n say both .... i dun wanna change it there .... hahahaha .... yeah ... stupid it is .... but i dun care ..... hahaha ... anywayz .. she came by the booth ... n ask about sum of the things dat they were giving out free ... like the bookmarks n stuff ..... n the dumbest thing i've ever heard happens ....
bitch: wat is this
staff: a bookmark
bitch: ohh a bookmark .. it looks like a condom
staff: no it is a sperm
n dats about all i heard ..... well ... it isnt the exactly the same ... but it is sumwat the same .... anywayz ... not long after dat .... she started scolding the staff .... saying
bitch: u shud not be giving out condoms .... put them away right now .... who is in charge here ....
a guy came by ... n confronted this mad bitch .... n straight away ... the bitch said ...
bitch: u r not allowed to distribute condoms here .... keep it .... n i wan to see u in my office .....
well .. dats all i heard anywayz .... cos she was sooo close to me ..... n the staff had to pack up all the condoms dat were on the table near the laptop .... n keep it in a box .... next to me .... hahaha ... soo .. there were a bunch of us ... the other 2 ppl i dunno at all who was doing the survey when it all happened .... soo ... we feared we couldnt get our gift for doing the survey .... but after we finished ... we were still given the condom ..... but while they were keeping the condoms .... they were grumbling away about dat stupid old bitch .... saying ....
staff 1: dat lady must not have used it b4 ....
staff 2: she doesnt use it ....
staff 1: u r right .... the husband might never have used it b4 .....
hahahaha ..... really nice joke they made ..... well ... i got 2 condoms ..... cos maybe they saw me together with ..... hahahaha .... well .... good isnt it .... now can test it out ..... hahaha ..... dun get any funny ideas .... wanna try to bring it to the trip to make ..... water balloons ...
hahahaha ... anywayz .... they were still continuing their booth ...... n soo ... i tot the problem was settled ..... hahaha .... i wanted the others there to take the survey as well ..... but they were bz la .. htis la .. dat la .... soo .. in the end .... they didnt do the survey yesterday .... but they said ... they would still be open today .....
n soo .. i saw the booth open up yet again ..... hip hip .... hooooraaayyyyyyy ...... yeah yeah ... i support durex doing such things ..... soo ... ppl did do the survey yet again ... this time .. i saw girls doing it as well ... soo ... i asked the others to do .... n soo .... they said they wanted to do ... n they wanted to do it sumwhere in the late afternoon .... but by the time we got there .... there were ppl who were doing it .... n then .... 3 students department staff came out to confront the durex staff about the distribution of the condoms ..... 1 indian old fart .... 1 stupid no brainer malay looking guy ..... n 1 short chinese dude with a short beard ... i think ... well .... arent they courteous .... superb .... anywayz .... when the other ppl finished ... the booth had to close down ... as the student deparment staff were forcing them to close it ... n not distribute the condoms anymore ...... n soo .. the others did not get the chance to do the survey n get the free condoms .... n the chance to win a trip to cape town south africa or a 3 day 2 nite stay at the pangkor laut resort .... superb wei .... dam good wei ..... n sooo u have it ....
n now ... the issue i wanna bring up ...... r older ppl stupid at a certain point ???? n more close minded ???? well .... this is my conclusion about the staff .... of the student welfare department .... they r pretty close minded about the condom thing i guess .... or maybe it is frowned upon by the person in charge in the students welfare department/ students department ..... r they trying to tell dat we shud have natural sex ..... meaning .... no condom sex ...... r they condoning such acts ...... omg ..... those ppl must be dumb to think dat ppl would not have sex or abstain from having sex b4 getting married ..... come on ppl ... we r in .... the 21st century ...... the lifestyle is changing .... n they would be surprised by the amount of ppl who r going out for 1 nite stands nowadays .... especially the girls ..... even i am shocked to hear the stories i heard ... n from the statistics i have retained .... im pretty shocked about the amount of registered swingers in m'sia it self ..... im not freaking joking wei ..... im seriously surprised last time ..... n soo .... i am supporting with the government's actions of giving out free condoms n syringe .... to those drug addicts .... cos if it was me .,... i would give free syringe ... n lacing it with sianide ..... or cianide .... or however u spell it ...cos once they r addicted ... they r addicted for life ... even if they just came out of rehab .... they couldnt get a job cos no one would wan to hire them ... in the end they go back to drugs .... soo .... dats how i will handle them ..... am i 2 cruel .... of course not ..... dats wat i think ... im sure u guys would think im a dam sick psycho .....
oommggg .... ran out of topic .... ok ok .... soo .. as i was saying .... durex is doing this for a good cause .... they wan to get ppl to do the survey .... n they succeeded in doing so ..... well ... all for a good cause rite .... yeah yeah .... soo ..... r those old farts thinking dat thinking dat teens n young adults would abstain from sex till they get married .... i dun think so ..... with the many many influence around us now ..... n the continuing growth of humanity ... n the growth of their thinking ..... cos .... the humans r no more bound by traditions n customs .... but r more open to the new changes ... resulting in a whole new breed of humans ..... n soo .. the new generation dat comes .... r the future .... n soo i say ...... such stupid words i came out with ... but im sure its not mine ... well .... soo ..... could we be stay strong n not be tempted by it .... im sure there r a number of u ... who could stay strong ... but how long .... anywayz ..... wanna say .. those old farts .... though i dun think they r really dat old .... r very short sighted .... or wat .... well ... i wanna say .... THEY SUPPORT UNPROTECTED SEX since they frown upon the distribution of the condoms ..... even in college .... a place filled with guys who r deep down horny ..... n girls who r willing to go out for 1 nite stands .... i wouldnt be surprised .... yup yup ...... but guys would always do wat they would always do rite ..... hhahaha ... i think dats all the clue i would give
soo .. anywayz ..... i say .. to hell with them ... go to any nearest pharmacy ... to get ur condoms if u have the urge to do it ..... its cheap ..... really ..... dun go to those rip off places like 'i need house' or 'wet wet shop' to get the condoms .... i have been doing a price comparison ... found out .... each store differs in price .... alrite then .....
now ... for a short little update ... just finished my 1st paper ... business law .... dam happening paper .... hahaha ... answer as much as i could .... dam it ..... still could finish the dam paper in time ..... hahahaha .... but seriously .... i feel lucky in law ..... i feel i can pass this exam nicely ..... meaning .... im quite confident at getting 30 marks for dat paper .... yeah .... hehehe ... n soo ... now ... gonna start doing the business law stuff .... love this open book tests .... its dam nice .... hate close book tests ..... n sooo
this would end my post for now .... see u all later ... if i get to see u guys dat is ..... n remember ... dun forget to get funky ..... cos being funky is good ..... muahahahahaha
Monday, June 13, 2005
huhuhuuuuu
omg ..... exam is near .... yet i dun feel the pressure dat others feel .... hahahaha ... really ..... maybe ... im just dam immuned to it .... hahahaha ..... well ... since i pretty much gave up on studying .... i just study for the sake of passing n getting a credit ...... yeah ... u heard me rite .... hehehe ..... sick i am .... dat i know ...... hehehehhe
well ..... business law paper ... im ready for u .... i mean my books r ready for u ..... hhehehehe ..... soo ... now i just have to do the best i can .... nyahahahaha ...... n then business stats on friday ..... im all ready for u as well ... though im not bringing much in ... but still ... im bringing in sum stuff ... like the formula sheet ..... let me kill them ..... oohhhh i gotta hurry n understand econs after dat ...... hohohoooooo
yeah yeah ..... omg ..... i dunno wat to do ..... terrible person i have met ..... just horrible ..... dats about it ... no names .....
hehehehe ... alrite next is to .... say ..... omg ..... monash business students all holiday now .... soo .. happy holidays ..... n have fun ..... as for the science students .... n the vu students 1st year 1st sem .... ur exam is starting soon ..... come on ... dun be soo terrible ok ..... hehehehe
alrite ..... wanna say ..... yaaaahoooooooooooooooo ........ exams is coming n then trips to places with frens ... yeah yeah ... beautiful it shall be .... muahahahahaha
Sunday, June 12, 2005
i've been tagged ????
after reading jeremy's blog .... i realize there is this weird thing called I’M-HOLIER-THAN-THOU BLOGGER’S BATON
n i have been tagged to do this questionaires ..... soo i guess i will do it .... hehehehe ....
1. THE LAST BLOG I READ WAS:
Serena
2. I THINK MY BLOG IS WAY BETTER THAN THAT BLOG ABOVE BECAUSE:
not better at all ... mine is terrible ... haihz .. compared to this girl's 1 .... dam powerful her blog ... but it is better in the sense dat i have more links than her ....
3. IMHO THE BEST ENTRY I HAVE EVER BLOGGED IS :
i really dunno ..... its all good to me ... no best ... just good .... cos i typed them out ok ....
4. THE FIVE BLOGS I READ THAT MAY BE BETTER THAN MINE ARE:
i really have to say sue lin's ...... soo imm's ..... joey's ...... isabel ..... n .... serena ..... all nice posts .... sum r very intelligent .... n sum have nice skins ..... ahhh ... sadly mine is lame n old ....
5. I KNOW MY READERS ARE ADDICTED TO MY BLOG BECAUSE:
they wanna know how i am .... n seriously .... they really get to know how i am ..... not the total truth ... but part of me ..... hehhehhe
I am now passing this baton to the following five people and they MUST to do the same holier-than-thou meme:
Isabel
Soo Imm
Joey
Melanie
Serena
n soo .... my task is done ...... jeremy .... u owe me big time for this ..... u r sooo going to pay for it ....
Thursday, June 09, 2005
MaS knows not of many things n fears of many
well ..... the reason as to why MaS did not tell is bcos of a phobia ...... he fears dat wat he says may come back to haunt him another day ..... as it is wat MaS predicts ..... or thinks ..... cos he fears dat wat he say ... may have a dire consequence .... n may lead to a disasterous chain of events ..... as it is now .... MaS already faced alot of pressure n stress from within ..... within wat MaS cant really tell ..... but for sure ..... MaS is having a tough time being with his family ..... for those who has been to his humble abode .... it may seem all peaceful ..... but in reality ..... there is upheveal .... chaos .... but it is often buried deep down .... but oftens resurface ......
MaS doesnt only face probs from frens .... from uni ..... from studies ..... from driving .... n many other stuff ..... but MaS is very certain others also suffer the same prob ..... but .... have u ever realize dat all of u would complain all this probs to ur frens ... or those who u hold close to u ..... well ... u would tell ALL wouldnt u ..... well .... MaS doesnt tell all .... knowing he has to limit wat he has to say to prevent wat he fears from occuring ......
many years MaS has been contemplating as to how he shall live each day ..... n how he would try his best to survive ...... he has given up on many things in life already ..... knowing there isnt much hope for him ..... except for a few things which keeps him clinging on to this dying world ..... he has always been trying to do his best ..... but .... sumtimes .... he just feels ... dat ..... its just a waste .... cos knowing .... doing his best isnt sumthing dat may bring out the best outcome ......
sooo he only wishes to live a mediocre life .... but it isnt like wat ppl would think .... well .... hopes he has lost many times ..... only the few stuff keeps him clinging on ...... but worry not ... as he would live his life .... till the end of his time ......
n as u may have notice .... to those who have been with him alot ..... he is being more n more daring with his comments .... commenting with his simple mind on certain things ..... giving only a brief comment about those things .... without giving details as to y ..... as he seemingly ... lacks the knowledge to give the reason .... but he has the gut feeling dat he needs to say it .....
but he may also break out with a great temper as he has been losing his patience for a long time ..... his patience is wearing thin as a result of him being put under the pressure .... like in a pressure cooker ..... the defective old pressure cooker .... where .... the pressure just keeps building up .... till it explodes ..... n this is how he has been .......
for dat .... he hopes dat all of u affected may forgive him .... cos he isnt thinking straight .....
n for the frens who r there ..... he just .. feels he just cant let ppl know ..... it just takes time ..... n maybe he just wont tell .... cos of the phobia .... soo ... plz .... try to understand him abit ... not totally ... but just a little ....
n as a result .... he may just turn out better ..... or maybe he may live 1 of the many dreams he remembers
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
......
this is a blog ..... this is where i put my happiness ...... this is where i voice out my strongest opinion ... but this isnt where i put all of my darkess feelings ..... n dats how my blog is ..... to each person .... blog acts differently for them ..... n i respect them for dat ..... sum ppl luv to spam the tagboards .... n sum ppl just luv to criticize ppl ..... though .... dat is the reality .....
n sooo ... this is a journey to find out as to the mind of the shallow MaS ..... well ... as u can see ... MaS here isnt as educated as others ..... thus MaS has created a inferior syndrom .... feeling inferior to others seems as a blessing to him as he knows dat this would mean he is not needed ...... MaS has also a problem of communication .... this is the result of solitude ...... from mixing around with frens of the same age group during his growing up years ..... but he is adamant on changing dat ..... for a year he tried ... n he changed .... but now he feels .... dat its harder n harder to communicate than b4 .... leaving him to give up on doing anymore ......
i know its very stupid of MaS to be explaining such stuff on the blog sooo openly ..... knowing ppl would certainly know MaS's weakness n criticize MaS ..... if u wan to do so .... do it all u wan .... MaS been under criticism from his mother far long long time ... scarring him with a mental note dat ...... "SHUT UP N JUST TAKE IT" ..... knowing dat it is his mother .... he doesnt seem to get the chance to defend himself ..... despite having arguments to go about ..... n u dunno his mother ..... n soo ... MaS just continue living .... as a teenager ... knowing its lonely ......
n u must be wondering .... doesnt he has a fren or sumthing ..... n now ... dats the problem .... he has problem in communicating ..... leaving him not being able to express himself ..... but he tries soo hard ... n was able to get a few good frens who would hear him out ... a few good frens who would hang out with him ..... n a few frens who understands his attitude ...... MaS has always been blur cos it is part of him ..... as it has always been .... cos knowing dat if were to say sumthing he might bring out the wrath of ppl ..... n soo ... he shuts up n listens to ppl n just talking in his mind ......
n knowing his mind ..... he isnt 1 who has strong memories .... leaving him always clueless as to wat has happened a long time ago ..... but sumtimes it holds wonders .... s it may be able to hold the memory needed .....
so far ... this is how he is .... wat do u think of him .... im sure u r thinking lowly of him .,.... n think ... whether this is the same person whom u may see on the outside .... n the answer is ... yes .... most definately .....
n soo ... he then realize dat he needed to change if he was to continue his existance with fulfilment .... n soo he thoughts ..... n soo .. the change continues .... giving him a proper reputation which left him known abit ..... but after awhile .... its was no longer necessary ....
soo .. he moves on with living .... but do u ever wonder where he would let out all of his frustrations of life ...... well ... he doesnt .... he just keeps it in .... as there wasnt anyone .... nor anywhere he could release himself ...... n as a result .... he told it to sumone he hold dear to his heart ...... but she has passed on ..... it tore his heart ..... leaving it forever scarred ..... for nearly a year now .... he hasnt been able to really let it all out ..... soo .... its really a blessing dat he has poor memory ..... enabling him to forget all the pains n frusts .... but ... it isnt forgotten totally ... just kept inside .....
sooo .... u always see a calm looking MaS .... who is either very quiet or .... very noisy talking crap ..... n sumtimes ..... when it is 1 of his days of on the edge .... he explodes very naturally ..... all the anger pent inside all released hitting all of those who r close by ...... but he quickly recovers ..... trying to patch things up ..... but always to no avail ..... n dats the reason y ..... MaS would always be seen alone ..... eating alone ..... sitting alone ..... n many things ..... but .... it is normal to him ..... as solitude is how he was brought up ......
as a result u get to know a person who is different from wat u would always see ..... this could be said the frail part of MaS .....
n yeah .... MaS has always been day dreaming .... of an alternate reality he wishes dearly ..... but nothing is possible in dat dream of his .... soo ... he just lives in his fantasy world ...... but he wont forget his reality responsibilities .... though he has a tough time trying to get it done .....
this is the frailness of MaS ..... n now ... u know the frail part of MaS ..... but .... this is a part of wat he truly is ..... though he may look all different in ur eyes .... but just a reminder ..... he 2 ... is a human being ..... a weak 1 at dat .....
hahaha ... another day
oi .... dam no idea wat to post ... so say .... hate my life ... dats all ... yeah yeah .... n noone really knows me
Saturday, June 04, 2005
my my ... silly old me ...
hahahaha ..anywayz ... wanna say .. sorry for not posting up sumthing new to read about ..... but hey .... im a lazy bugger ..... wat can do .... dam lazy to do much stuff ... but play n watch anime n movies .... lazy bugger am i not ... well ... u decide .... hehehehe .. anywayz ... dam relieved about the last assignment for the 1st sem .... bloody MOB ...... but didnt really feel as much stress as i tot i would feel ...... other ppl were breaking apart .... ppl losing their mind .... but hey .... i dun really care much anymore ..... hehehe
but dat day i was pretty hyper ..... i think .... hahahaha anywayz ..... dam it .. i dunno wat to blog about ...... dam it .... y others have sooooo much to blog about .... n i have nothing ..... ahhhh .... nvm la .... im just the dumb 1 ..... kesian la ....
alrite im really blank this time ..... soo ... i have to say ...... wat the hell am i doing here in the 1st place ..... oohhh yeah ... now i remember ... i dun wanna study for my stupid exam dat is coming .. but forced to ... well ... do a super study tomoro ... sunday .... dam it .... y oooo y ..... anywayz ..... let it be la ... later only study la .... dam it .... the mood i dun have ..... well .. must force myself like amirul ... he dam semangat .... good la he ... nvm la ...
soo ... let the exam wars begin ... i dun think i would be posting much soon ....
