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lost dreams

My name is MaS,
and i have yet to grow,
from my adolescent state,
to wat many call as a mature adult,
though i am no longer a teen by age,
thy shall act like a kid,
but only for a certain time,
or risk facing trouble thats shit,
im no longer a kid,
im no longer a teen,
but could i still act as one,
for the fun of it.

Life, is shit, and shit is life, and this is how h eruns his life. Life is unfair and so is he, he harden his soul to create a emotionless spree. He is soo lame he is soo quiet, but that is how he is. He is all vulgar and also disgusting, but he is who he is and not like other. He holds a principle, based on his soul, its always changing with the flow of time. The growth is there but it isn't obvious because the life he's in is so damn troublesome. He may seem all nice, he may seem like a pushover, but never try his limit or you'll face his anger. His life is tough, and he knows others too have it tough, but everyone is different and they should never be compared. Comparison kill his spirit, comparison killed his mind, it is as though it is no more his but rather it is others. He is disturbingly disturbed and sometimes extremely the extreme, but this is rare as its a rare phenomenon. He is nothing but a fool indeed, living thru this life with all he got. His life seems awful, but it is to him alone, he wouldn't understand others as how others wouldn't understand him. Thank you so much for reading this shit, as it means alot for his stuff to be read.


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Thursday, June 09, 2005

MaS knows not of many things n fears of many

well ..... the reason as to why MaS did not tell is bcos of a phobia ...... he fears dat wat he says may come back to haunt him another day ..... as it is wat MaS predicts ..... or thinks ..... cos he fears dat wat he say ... may have a dire consequence .... n may lead to a disasterous chain of events ..... as it is now .... MaS already faced alot of pressure n stress from within ..... within wat MaS cant really tell ..... but for sure ..... MaS is having a tough time being with his family ..... for those who has been to his humble abode .... it may seem all peaceful ..... but in reality ..... there is upheveal .... chaos .... but it is often buried deep down .... but oftens resurface ......

MaS doesnt only face probs from frens .... from uni ..... from studies ..... from driving .... n many other stuff ..... but MaS is very certain others also suffer the same prob ..... but .... have u ever realize dat all of u would complain all this probs to ur frens ... or those who u hold close to u ..... well ... u would tell ALL wouldnt u ..... well .... MaS doesnt tell all .... knowing he has to limit wat he has to say to prevent wat he fears from occuring ......

many years MaS has been contemplating as to how he shall live each day ..... n how he would try his best to survive ...... he has given up on many things in life already ..... knowing there isnt much hope for him ..... except for a few things which keeps him clinging on to this dying world ..... he has always been trying to do his best ..... but .... sumtimes .... he just feels ... dat ..... its just a waste .... cos knowing .... doing his best isnt sumthing dat may bring out the best outcome ......

sooo he only wishes to live a mediocre life .... but it isnt like wat ppl would think .... well .... hopes he has lost many times ..... only the few stuff keeps him clinging on ...... but worry not ... as he would live his life .... till the end of his time ......

n as u may have notice .... to those who have been with him alot ..... he is being more n more daring with his comments .... commenting with his simple mind on certain things ..... giving only a brief comment about those things .... without giving details as to y ..... as he seemingly ... lacks the knowledge to give the reason .... but he has the gut feeling dat he needs to say it .....

but he may also break out with a great temper as he has been losing his patience for a long time ..... his patience is wearing thin as a result of him being put under the pressure .... like in a pressure cooker ..... the defective old pressure cooker .... where .... the pressure just keeps building up .... till it explodes ..... n this is how he has been .......

for dat .... he hopes dat all of u affected may forgive him .... cos he isnt thinking straight .....

n for the frens who r there ..... he just .. feels he just cant let ppl know ..... it just takes time ..... n maybe he just wont tell .... cos of the phobia .... soo ... plz .... try to understand him abit ... not totally ... but just a little ....

n as a result .... he may just turn out better ..... or maybe he may live 1 of the many dreams he remembers

posted by Elwyn at 9:29 PM

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