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lost dreams

My name is MaS,
and i have yet to grow,
from my adolescent state,
to wat many call as a mature adult,
though i am no longer a teen by age,
thy shall act like a kid,
but only for a certain time,
or risk facing trouble thats shit,
im no longer a kid,
im no longer a teen,
but could i still act as one,
for the fun of it.

Life, is shit, and shit is life, and this is how h eruns his life. Life is unfair and so is he, he harden his soul to create a emotionless spree. He is soo lame he is soo quiet, but that is how he is. He is all vulgar and also disgusting, but he is who he is and not like other. He holds a principle, based on his soul, its always changing with the flow of time. The growth is there but it isn't obvious because the life he's in is so damn troublesome. He may seem all nice, he may seem like a pushover, but never try his limit or you'll face his anger. His life is tough, and he knows others too have it tough, but everyone is different and they should never be compared. Comparison kill his spirit, comparison killed his mind, it is as though it is no more his but rather it is others. He is disturbingly disturbed and sometimes extremely the extreme, but this is rare as its a rare phenomenon. He is nothing but a fool indeed, living thru this life with all he got. His life seems awful, but it is to him alone, he wouldn't understand others as how others wouldn't understand him. Thank you so much for reading this shit, as it means alot for his stuff to be read.


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posts that had passed

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credits


Wednesday, June 08, 2005

......

this is a blog ..... this is where i put my happiness ...... this is where i voice out my strongest opinion ... but this isnt where i put all of my darkess feelings ..... n dats how my blog is ..... to each person .... blog acts differently for them ..... n i respect them for dat ..... sum ppl luv to spam the tagboards .... n sum ppl just luv to criticize ppl ..... though .... dat is the reality .....

n sooo ... this is a journey to find out as to the mind of the shallow MaS ..... well ... as u can see ... MaS here isnt as educated as others ..... thus MaS has created a inferior syndrom .... feeling inferior to others seems as a blessing to him as he knows dat this would mean he is not needed ...... MaS has also a problem of communication .... this is the result of solitude ...... from mixing around with frens of the same age group during his growing up years ..... but he is adamant on changing dat ..... for a year he tried ... n he changed .... but now he feels .... dat its harder n harder to communicate than b4 .... leaving him to give up on doing anymore ......

i know its very stupid of MaS to be explaining such stuff on the blog sooo openly ..... knowing ppl would certainly know MaS's weakness n criticize MaS ..... if u wan to do so .... do it all u wan .... MaS been under criticism from his mother far long long time ... scarring him with a mental note dat ...... "SHUT UP N JUST TAKE IT" ..... knowing dat it is his mother .... he doesnt seem to get the chance to defend himself ..... despite having arguments to go about ..... n u dunno his mother ..... n soo ... MaS just continue living .... as a teenager ... knowing its lonely ......

n u must be wondering .... doesnt he has a fren or sumthing ..... n now ... dats the problem .... he has problem in communicating ..... leaving him not being able to express himself ..... but he tries soo hard ... n was able to get a few good frens who would hear him out ... a few good frens who would hang out with him ..... n a few frens who understands his attitude ...... MaS has always been blur cos it is part of him ..... as it has always been .... cos knowing dat if were to say sumthing he might bring out the wrath of ppl ..... n soo ... he shuts up n listens to ppl n just talking in his mind ......

n knowing his mind ..... he isnt 1 who has strong memories .... leaving him always clueless as to wat has happened a long time ago ..... but sumtimes it holds wonders .... s it may be able to hold the memory needed .....

so far ... this is how he is .... wat do u think of him .... im sure u r thinking lowly of him .,.... n think ... whether this is the same person whom u may see on the outside .... n the answer is ... yes .... most definately .....

n soo ... he then realize dat he needed to change if he was to continue his existance with fulfilment .... n soo he thoughts ..... n soo .. the change continues .... giving him a proper reputation which left him known abit ..... but after awhile .... its was no longer necessary ....

soo .. he moves on with living .... but do u ever wonder where he would let out all of his frustrations of life ...... well ... he doesnt .... he just keeps it in .... as there wasnt anyone .... nor anywhere he could release himself ...... n as a result .... he told it to sumone he hold dear to his heart ...... but she has passed on ..... it tore his heart ..... leaving it forever scarred ..... for nearly a year now .... he hasnt been able to really let it all out ..... soo .... its really a blessing dat he has poor memory ..... enabling him to forget all the pains n frusts .... but ... it isnt forgotten totally ... just kept inside .....

sooo .... u always see a calm looking MaS .... who is either very quiet or .... very noisy talking crap ..... n sumtimes ..... when it is 1 of his days of on the edge .... he explodes very naturally ..... all the anger pent inside all released hitting all of those who r close by ...... but he quickly recovers ..... trying to patch things up ..... but always to no avail ..... n dats the reason y ..... MaS would always be seen alone ..... eating alone ..... sitting alone ..... n many things ..... but .... it is normal to him ..... as solitude is how he was brought up ......

as a result u get to know a person who is different from wat u would always see ..... this could be said the frail part of MaS .....

n yeah .... MaS has always been day dreaming .... of an alternate reality he wishes dearly ..... but nothing is possible in dat dream of his .... soo ... he just lives in his fantasy world ...... but he wont forget his reality responsibilities .... though he has a tough time trying to get it done .....

this is the frailness of MaS ..... n now ... u know the frail part of MaS ..... but .... this is a part of wat he truly is ..... though he may look all different in ur eyes .... but just a reminder ..... he 2 ... is a human being ..... a weak 1 at dat .....

posted by Elwyn at 10:30 PM

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