Friends, oohhh friends. People always say you can't live with them, and you can't live without them. Well, I don't really know anymore. Will they be my downfall or will they be my key to awakening. Well, these past few days, I have been bothered by thoughts of friends. I don't really want to hurt people's feelings, but what I have been holding inside is really eating me up. Those who have seen me these past few days would know how dead I am. I wonder how badly my name has been stained. I don't really know for sure.

Life is cold. Family is in trouble. Death seems soo nice. But the love is still there. Friends are still there. But enemies are getting more. Faith in myself is diminishing. Yet I was just about to believe in myself. Can't be ignorant for the rest of my life. But still I long to ignore the problems that hits. Why cant life just be simple. I just wonder why. My heart grows weak by every growing moment. Yet my dreams jus fades away into the shadows life despair. I feel myself broken up, unlike anything I have ever imagine.

I long to be happy, yet happiness is just a temporary solution.
I wish for the beautiful death, yet this, wont solve anything either.
I wonder how bleak my future is.
I wonder if life will be the same again.
Troubles and problems are constantly in my mind.
As I ponder ways around it.

Forgiveness is useless, if the person doesn't forgive.
Sorrow is desperation for the attention craved.
Paranoia is what holds people on.
Trust, is most valued at hand.
Coldness, is how I describe myself.
Heat would never release it.

Pain strikes without hesitation.
It strikes as deep as it could.
Nothing can stop that pain.
As its part of a puzzle.
Which is called life.

I don't really know what is going on already. With this feeling for raya, I am just a plain sad case of a human. People say to not take it to heart. But no matter what, I'm still human. I don't understand, I just simply don't understand. Like many times before, death seems soo nice at times like this. But it will sadden people as well. I'm just too lost. A lost sad case of a human. My heart just gets heavier, and heavier. Well, I guess I deserve it don't I. Well enough said. Its not like anything would get better. This post is sure to set in motion some remarks as to how I crave for attention. Yes its true I crave for it. But what I crave more is just to have plain simple fun. This post would also make certain people really sad as well. I am sorry, I just can't hold back anymore. I know it should be kept in a diary. But I never liked a diary. Because the internet is my friend since I was young. A place where I express myself. Sooo I express myself here. I doubt people would come back to this blog of mine. While typing this out, I am listening to KRWLNG by Linkin Park from the album Reanimation. It is the only song I could really relate to. It has a firm grip on my heart.

My heart feels like crying, but I can't cry now. Its raya. I don't really know anymore. Maybe I should just stop. I'm thinking too much, and must be really damn sensitive. I guess I'll go on, living my life even though I don't deserve it at all. I was most probably a mistake in life.

"Death is beautiful" - this is what I think.