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lost dreams

My name is MaS,
and i have yet to grow,
from my adolescent state,
to wat many call as a mature adult,
though i am no longer a teen by age,
thy shall act like a kid,
but only for a certain time,
or risk facing trouble thats shit,
im no longer a kid,
im no longer a teen,
but could i still act as one,
for the fun of it.

Life, is shit, and shit is life, and this is how h eruns his life. Life is unfair and so is he, he harden his soul to create a emotionless spree. He is soo lame he is soo quiet, but that is how he is. He is all vulgar and also disgusting, but he is who he is and not like other. He holds a principle, based on his soul, its always changing with the flow of time. The growth is there but it isn't obvious because the life he's in is so damn troublesome. He may seem all nice, he may seem like a pushover, but never try his limit or you'll face his anger. His life is tough, and he knows others too have it tough, but everyone is different and they should never be compared. Comparison kill his spirit, comparison killed his mind, it is as though it is no more his but rather it is others. He is disturbingly disturbed and sometimes extremely the extreme, but this is rare as its a rare phenomenon. He is nothing but a fool indeed, living thru this life with all he got. His life seems awful, but it is to him alone, he wouldn't understand others as how others wouldn't understand him. Thank you so much for reading this shit, as it means alot for his stuff to be read.


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Saturday, July 16, 2005

oohhh .... im a fool .... yeah


hehehehe ... a poser me .... again ... but this pic is older ..... hahaha ... stupid blur me ...

well well ..... today has pretty much been a tiring day ..... or is it really ???? well .... i have to say ... i have received alot of bad comments about my hair ..... ahhh ... well .... dun care ... im still gonna keep it long ..... no matter wat ppl have to say ..... i have a purpose for my hair ..... n dat is ..... afro .... muahahaha ..... ok ok about my day

well ... it started as i woke up in the morning ..... n then went out to pay the house bills .... dat didnt took long though ... except dat i was a complete n utter fool ..... ok .... i'll tell u y im a complete n utter fool .... well ... i went out of the house ... going to the post office near my house ..... drove out ... all the way to the post office .... n then .... got out of the car ..... only to realize .... dat i didnt bring the bill with me ..... i was pretty much cursing my ownself .... yup ... i do curse my ownself from time to time ... bcos of being an utter fool .... most of the time .... n soo .. wat i did was .... drove all the way back home .... n drove back out to the post office .... n paid the bills ... there werent many ppl there ... soo .. it was fast n easy ... n then i stopped by a mamak shop nearby the post office ... n had a nice thosai ... paper thosai to be exact .... with a cup of neslo ice ... hahahaha ..... n boy was the thosai fast .... not even 2-3 minutes after i oredered ... it arrived in front of me .... even b4 my drink came ..... hahaha ... soo ... i justenjoyed my breakfast .... n then went back home ..... oohhh .... when i got back .... i went to dry out the clothes ... which was already in the washing machine ..... my mother put it in .... for me to dry it out ... as usual .... n then ... later i check my car bonet ..... check for the usual stuff ..... battery water ..... oil ..... n of course wiper water ...... n then cleaned my engine abit ... from all the dust .... n then .... went back to my beloved computer ....

there i check a few stuff .... n then ... chatted abit .... n then .... hurriedly mopped the floor of my downstairs hall area ..... boy was i in a rush .... n then got ready to go out ... yeah .... well went out with my fren ... to school ... my old school la .... n then .... we went to mid valley ..... there .... after a nice lunch ..... eating at ..... oh sushi i think ...... then went to play dota at the e-zone .... stupid lagging line .... n slow comp .... very hard to play ..... but anywayz ... i won 1 ... simon won 1 .... hehehe ... n then met up with my cousin ..... my cousin all the way from sabah .... here on a course ..... n expect me to be her slave ...... driving her where ever she wans to go .... haihz ... sad case wan la dat girl ...... anywayz .... went for a movie .... 3 person ..... for the movie unleashed .... since my cousi nwas afraid of the movie ' the amityville horror ' ...... soo had to watched unleashed ..... after the movie .... ohh another round of good food ..... oohhh ..... my wallet is crying ..... n then came back home ..... only to find my mother pouting ??? oohhh .... i totally get it y she is like dat .... haihz ......

im considered a no good son already u know .... haihz ... very sad case wan la ..... i mean me ..... not my mother ... she is the superb mom ..... really .... but haihz ..... parents expect soo much .... but ..... i just cant live to their expectations ..... im not like those elite ppl ..... really ..... i dunno la ..... my parents can be considered as very liberal parents .... but i just live up to their expectations .... really .... how could i ...... im just too blur ...... dat is how life is .... really .... aarrggghhhh ... sad case sad case ..... im such a sad terrible case ......

i wonder how most of them could do it .... maybe .... the different environment dat they were exposed to ..... hahaha ... im feeling sooo lost ..... i try to be .... interested in the normal stuff dat ppl would be .... but it just not wat im interested in ....... is it wrong .... for me to watch my anime ??? my mother ... n my father ... nags me everyday about my anime ..... even threatened to destroy my comp ...... ahhhh ..... its really annoying ..... even though i wanna say a piece of my mind ..... but i just cant ..... cos i just find solid proof to back me up .... neither do i have the guts to go against my mother ..... especially my mother ...... to everyone ..... who is reading this .... u dunno how brutal my mother can be ......

for the students of SMK Tmn Connought .... i think u would know my mother .... she is the most feared teacher in the school ... who teaches physics n add maths ..... she also teaches maths ..... truly ... a fearsome person .... u would never want to get on her bad side ..... n when she is angry ..... all hell break lose ... n u will find me avoiding her at all cost .... cos she will bang ppl up for every small mistake ..... omg .... how could i be talking bad about my mother ..... but .... if u r nice to her ... she will be nice to u too ... soo .. just remember ... not to piss her off .... she can be a great fren ..... really .... she is a daring lady .... even dared to go against the principle of the school for some injustice stuff .....

oohhhh ... wat a relief ..... to get it off my chest ..... but ..... most of my actions .... most things dat i do ... is always questioned of wat good does it have for me ... in the future ..... i really am out of words ..... haihz .... everytime .... she bangs me with those words .... it really strips me of my confidence .... aarrrggghhhh .... it just hurts soo much .... every single time ....it would always make me wanna kill myself ..... it always make me feels .... dat its just not worth living ..... but i still hold on .... y ... cos i know ... there r many more things ... dat i havent enjoyed ... such as my anime ...... my special some one ..... n pretty much the company of my frens .....

aahhhhh ..... im really at a lost ... im just too blur ..... too shallow ..... too stupid ..... haihz .... i wonder if the future psychologist could help me ..... analyse me .... n give me a better understanding of myself ..... really .... i think i need an evaluation by a proper psychologist ..... n sooo ...... could sumone tell me ??? well ... those who r my frens .... u can tell me via email/friendster mail ..... send it to the_final_mas@hotmail.com ......

well life is irritatingly challenging ..... i dunno whether having liberal parents is good ..... especially with me who holds no initiative to do things ..... sumbody ...... whack the shit out of me ..... i would be totally grateful if u do so .....

well ... this is .... TheMaS ..... who is feeling like shit after knowing there will be more shit for me tomoro ..... oohhh ... im gonna suffer ..... mentally ..... n maybe physically ..... dunno la ... have to see how ....

sooo nitez y'all .... live life cool .... n to the fullest ...... s how i try ....

posted by Elwyn at 12:47 AM

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