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lost dreams

My name is MaS,
and i have yet to grow,
from my adolescent state,
to wat many call as a mature adult,
though i am no longer a teen by age,
thy shall act like a kid,
but only for a certain time,
or risk facing trouble thats shit,
im no longer a kid,
im no longer a teen,
but could i still act as one,
for the fun of it.

Life, is shit, and shit is life, and this is how h eruns his life. Life is unfair and so is he, he harden his soul to create a emotionless spree. He is soo lame he is soo quiet, but that is how he is. He is all vulgar and also disgusting, but he is who he is and not like other. He holds a principle, based on his soul, its always changing with the flow of time. The growth is there but it isn't obvious because the life he's in is so damn troublesome. He may seem all nice, he may seem like a pushover, but never try his limit or you'll face his anger. His life is tough, and he knows others too have it tough, but everyone is different and they should never be compared. Comparison kill his spirit, comparison killed his mind, it is as though it is no more his but rather it is others. He is disturbingly disturbed and sometimes extremely the extreme, but this is rare as its a rare phenomenon. He is nothing but a fool indeed, living thru this life with all he got. His life seems awful, but it is to him alone, he wouldn't understand others as how others wouldn't understand him. Thank you so much for reading this shit, as it means alot for his stuff to be read.


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Saturday, December 04, 2004

In some of my weakest moments .....

i began doubting myself .... again .... for it seems ... dat i have doubt myself many times .... im not sure why i do this ..... but i do .....

i doubt that i am worthy of being on this place .... maybe i shud not have existed ..... many times this question arose in my head ..... why , and what ....... this 2 are often questioned in my head ..... the more i live my life .... the more i feel that i am useless ...... even though many people may miss my presence ..... i cant seem to shake that very thought out of my mind ..... could it be that i have a weak belief ..... or could it be .... my will power has diminish over the years of torment ..... the ongoing torture ..... which my mind undergo ...... everytime i lookback and think ..... i wish to be simple .... but yet things arent as simple as it seems ...... truly .... i question my existance again ......

i should not be doing this ... even though ..... i have learnt my lesson ..... i know that life isnt all that bad ..... but in my mind .... i cant to shake all those questions which came to haunt me everyday ..... could it be that i am lost in my mind ... once again ???

i think .... i may be physically exhausted ..... due to my own self ..... overworking .... by doing all that i enjoy doing ...... n doing all that i have to do ...... n doing all that i need to enjoy a certain thing .....

im also getting tired ..... of sum of the stuff that is happening in my life ..... it could be due to my stupidity ..... but ..... i highly doubt that ... anyone else is at fault ..... as many years ago ...... i have set my mind ...... if anything goes wrong .... n it involves me .... n no would take the blame ... or the blame is already on me ..... i'll gladly take the blame .... n be punished .... as it was the easiest way in life ..... to give up .... giving up is normal .... for me .... cos i see no purpose of me working hard .... for which ... later i die ....

maybe people were meant to be hardworking so that they could achieve in life ..... but not all hardworking people do make it out in life ..... soo ... where the justice to that ..... i truly wonder .....

many times .... i always try to see ... the worst case scenario .... that could happen .... in one's life .... especially mine ...... though many people would say i am smart ...... i have to definately deny it ..... cos i am most definately .... a stupid moron in life ...... sue me for saying so .... but i find it pretty true .....

i feel that i have blog a rather long long post ...... this is my thoughts .... i cant believe im letting people see wat i think ...... but i feel ... that this way is better .....

posted by Elwyn at 2:32 PM

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