at the moment i am doing this, i am feeling rather down, despite what my loved one has helped entertain me. i thought that i just needed that only, but i was gravely wrong. once again im feeling down, feeling drained, could it due to the lack of sleep, of which i deprived from. i truly have no clue as to why i feel this way. maybe it is possible that i have a bad feeling about something.

at the beginning of the year, i had a resolution to be better than i was before that. but many times as long as i could remember, my resolutions never came through as i had weak will power, fragile mind, and a helpless body. but even so, i continued to have these resolutions as an aim for me n guide for me throught out the year. this year's resolution may have pulled through barely, but still i feel that i did not accomplish what i set out to do. unfortunately, i see not of the goal i which others have.

as i began college life, i wasn't really ready for what college life had installed for me. so many things caught me by surprise, but to follow my resolution, which is to live life as how i should, which is the way where i can enjoy all that i would truly enjoy, i came to beat the surprise by being abit outstanding by participating in class, being a clown and act like a total idiot. it is because i had my own ideal, that is, if others are happy, then i should be happy. many times i instilled this into my mind, and now it is a part of me. so thats the reason why i stood out a little, not academically, but through my personality.

on the 1st day, i feel alienated as it seems that only me, from my old school came to sunway university college. but i think many feels the same as i do. but there are a few people who came and join AUSMAT together with their friends. anyways, i found myself feeling rather lost, which i also think happened to almost everyone, except for the JPA students. slowly i befriended myself with a few people.

during the 1st 2-3 months, i was still hooked on to the game called ragnarok online. it was an outlet for me to forget and enjoy. but over some time i put this game away as i had other things to attend to. even at the beginning of the year, straight away after classes, i would straight away go back home and engulfing myself in the computer. i tried my best to maintain my composure showing that i am pretty happy, and doing quite okay, but in fact the truth was that i was pretty much still down.

the reason why was because of something that had happened to me, in the year 2003. that incident overwhelmed me greatly. so as it is, i was having pretty much a tough time. that is why, i drown myself in the games and being online all the time. it helps me forget the pain. during the 1st 3 months was pretty tough, because i was slacking behind in my studies, but i was doing pretty much okay considering i have no interest in studying at all. especially for exams.

it was that 1st 3 months that i started to socialise, especially with girls. considering that i came from a boys school, i rarely make friends with girls in the earlier part of my life. but i had a few online friends who i was able to speak my mind to. so my social life truly began from march onwards. if my memory serves me correct. so it was during that time that i befriended with the Ausmat family, a group of friends who are wacky, crazy, funny, and nice to be with.

for me, it was tough socializing with the guys, as i, who may be a freak, doesn't share the same interest with the, such as sports, and cars. i was totally blank on those field of knowledge. this is because i think that i was too simple minded. i don't understand what draws them to sports, but for me, im attracted to japanese animation. i like a certain type of japanese animation and i like them because of their story line. arent i a freak. even though i may understand the plot of the anime, i tried to enter some friends conversation about movies. but i was totally shocked how much i didnt know. even though i know those movies.

this was a cultural and knowledge shock for me. that is the main reason why i was totally blur. in the 1st 3 months. it would be a routine for me to either eat alone as others are not in college or still asleep. its very normal for me and during that period of time. i was saving quite a sum of money. but i did spend it all after certain time. because i wanted a few certain stuff for my daily college life and to upgrade my computer needs.

this was still a lonely period for me. and during this time, my mind was thinking about the national service (NS) thingy which bothered me a great deal. it was a time of loneliness, even though i am not alone, this has been the case for almost my entire life, a time of confusion, as the subjects learned was all pretty much new and with the NS thingy bothering my mind and a time of grief for all of my stupidity.

this blog shall continue on the 2 quarter of this year ..... i still feel depress and down ...... i wonder why i am like this ...... i should get some sleep .... an early morning i have tomoro .....

i do not give a damn about what ppl have to say now ..... as in my blog .... i wish to say wat i wanna say .... soo .... i shall say .... read if u wan .... but keep ur comments to urself